When I started this blog 2 years ago, one of my earliest posts was about my birthday and how my husband gave me a calculator and got us burgers from a fast food place for dinner. I had thought that, 2 years later, he would have gotten a little better at the whole birthday thing. Guess what? I was wrong.
First, my husband proudly proclaimed that he was taking me to dinner and I got excited. We hadn’t been out to dinner since 5 months earlier when we celebrated our anniversary and I was itching for a night out. I asked him who he arranged to babysit our daughter and got a blank stare in reply. “Umm…Isn’t your mother coming over?” Well, she was coming over in the afternoon but had to leave by 4:30, which I had already told him and he either (a) wasn’t listening or (b) didn’t believe me. So dinner was a no-go.
Then around mid-afternoon, I said to him, “there will be cake, right?” Here’s the thing: I don’t need or want fancy gifts for my birthday. I have a wonderful family and that’s enough for me. I certainly didn’t want my husband spending a lot of money (that we don’t have) on extravagant presents. But the one thing I do require is a cake and a candle. Maybe it’s a superstition of mine or maybe it’s just a ritual that makes me feel good but I like to blow out a candle and make a wish for the year ahead. It’s something I’ve been doing for as long as I can remember and it’s not a birthday without it. My husband’s response to my question? Yet another blank stare. “Umm…where can I get a cake around here?”
This is when I knew that things were not going to go the way I had hoped. I told him he could buy cake mix from the store and do it himself. That didn’t go over too well. Apparently, he’s never baked a cake before and didn’t feel a whole lot of confidence in attempting it. Eventually, after much back-and-forth, we drove over to a cupcake shop and he waited in the car while I went inside and had to buy my own birthday cupcake. I reminded my husband that I would at least like a candle on my cupcake and when he ran down to the drugstore that evening, I figured that there would be one thing that he didn’t mess up.
After dinner (leftovers. yes, instead of getting a nice dinner out, I got reheated leftovers.), my husband asked me if I was ready for my cupcake. I said that I would and expected to be presented with a cupcake on a plate with a candle on top and get sung ‘happy birthday’ to. Instead, he plopped the cupcake down in front of me – still in its box. That was it. No singing. No fancy presentation. No candle. And when I expressed my sadness at not getting at least a candle to blow out and make a wish on, he actually got a chopstick out of the kitchen drawer and tried to light that. It burnt out before I even got near it.
I didn't even get dinner on a nice dish. Just the take-out carton it came in.
I feel your pain…. I don’t need a fuss but, at least show me you remembered my b’day. For my last birthday, i got a whistle, yes that’s right, a whistle, just like this; http://www.chinatraderonline.com/files3/2010-8/16/jailer-key-chain-ring-and-whistle-15243830797.jpg
(he was thoughtful enough to get it in pink) and a box of candles, yep that’s right, he gave me a box of candles and said, “i just didn’t get a cake to put them in”. The kicker was the card, he took the time to pick out, and couldn’t even bother to sign it, in addition the card said, Happy B’day, Happy Anniversary, happy valentines, happy holidays… and exclaimed this card should cover him until next year.
Happy birthday!
Thank you!
Please have your husband read this piece I wrote on how to be a good gift giver. It might help –if he’s motivated (I’ll leave that to you). http://outtacontext.com/life/archive/000278.shtml
So..this post reminded me of this post, in that they are complete opposites.
http://myhusbandisannoying.com/2009/11/09/the-tables-are-turned/
They are complete opposites, aren’t they? Ha! Here’s the thing: my husband is great, he really is. I have no doubt that he loves me and he has no problem showing it. But what he does have a problem with are details. He’s just not a details guy so unfortunately stuff like dinner, cake and candles will often fall by the wayside. Sometimes it bums me out but I’ll get over it because of the many other ways he shows me and tells me how much he loves me.
Happy Birthday, girl! Oh, I’ve had a crummy day, but reading this got the ol’ crocodile tears going. I know the feeling. If it’s any consolation, my husband once gave me a commode (new, he got free from a buddy; replacement for broken toilet in our only bathroom). Another year I was bestowed with a 75″ water hose (he heard me mention we needed a longer hose once… idiot!). In 20 years he’s brought me flowers three times.
Just now he offered to microwave me a corn dog -The man’s a prince. It’s the little things we should appreciate, right? Ugh.
I’m Lil, a huge fan and supporter of @Standupkid.
P.S. Congratulations on success of your baby walking!
Wife,
Clearly, I’m not winning hearts and minds on this one. Not even one guy has backed me. In fact, they’re running for the hills in fear of being dragged down by association.
So here’s my promise: I’m fixing this, and I will report as such to MHIA readers to decide if I can be released from the blogdoghouse.
Signed,
Husband (Very Very Annoying)
sadly, “expectation is the root of all heartache.” i keep reminding myself of this.
Sincere tears… just learned “crocodile tears” mean fake tears. No, no, they were real tears. Like I said, emotional day; wish everyone happiness and all things perfect. I saw above, Mark’s gonna work on it. He’s smart; baby steps. Ha.
Love your blog
This wasn’t annoying. This was just sad. I’m glad he says he’s going to make it right.
First, Happy Birthday with cake and candles and dinner out! Second, best wishes on your very, very annoying husband making the first one happen.
I’m not sure if it’s sad or refreshing to know I’m not the only one who has a husband like this. I just had my birthday and I got no dinner, a leftover cupcake from my daughters bday days earlier and I had a really bad day at work. My husband sentme a text saying “wait till you get your gift”.
When I got home, my gift was him giving me back the massage gift certificate I bought for him for fathers day. He asked me not to think of it as a re-gift because we could go together and get a couples massage (with him using the OTHER massage certificate I got him. But to do it, io have to find a sitter & pay for that, not to mention I BOUGHT MY OWN GIFT!
Ps-my husband loves massages so it’s not that he didn’t want to use the certificate. It’s just that he’s so lazy it was the easiest thing for him to do.
Happy Birthday! My dh and I agreed long ago to give each other the gift of NOT having to come up with gifts. We do cards only and believe me, it makes me happy every birthday of his that I don’t have to shop and every birthday of mine that I don’t have to pretend to like whatever.
My husband does remember my birthdays, thanks to my daughter, so when she leaves to get married I don’t know who is going to remind him. As it is he never remembers our wedding anniversary and most years just pass without a murmur. Your reheated meal looks awful by the way!
I just found this site (watching Tyra) and I love it!! I’m 22, have a 3 year old son, and got married a few months ago! So nice to hear someone who shares the annoying things
my list consists mainly of : his snoring, biting of fingernails, even when I hand him clippers, and him trying to kiss me right in the door from work (he’s a mechanic, and comes home covered in grease and transmission fluid) that, and him leaving the nasty work clothes in the bathroom floor, instead of putting them into the washer I always leave empty for him. Still love him though 
That post was excellent. I just saw the story about it on the Tyra show.
http://www.rebeccabany.com
i just saw you on tyra! good job! i just started a wordpress like 2 weeks ago and my inspiration was also my husband. its so comforting to see i’m not the only one who is sometimes annoyed by my husband but we cant live without them!
Am I the only one who thinks anyone (husband or wife) who does this to their spouse is…well, more than disappointing? Make an effort! A birthday comes once a year, for crying out loud!
I’m so sorry your birthday was a bust. Every birthday of mine is a bust. My husband had a massive heart attack at 39 years old. He passed away. I was left alone with our children, the youngest being 2. I wish I had my husband to give me disappointing gifts. I’d hug him and never let him go. Please put everything into perspective and enjoy his other qualities.
I can’t remember how I got here — seems to me I was shopping online for purses — but I’m glad I read this. For the last four days I’ve been smarting about my SO’s (Mr. Will Never Be My Husband, we’ve been together three years) choice of birthday gifts for me: two family size chocolate bars and a bag of chocolate covered blueberries. Turns out that the chocolate bars were on sale with multiples of four, so he got two for himself. I usually get a meal out but this week was pretty busy with evening commitments for both of us so I was happy enough with fast food as I had to dash off to a meeting at 7 PM. Except that the Greek place we went to doesn’t take debit cards and he had no cash on him, so I had to pay for my own burger and fries birthday dinner take-out. *sigh* Glad I’m not the only one!
I have to say that this post deeply touched me – unfortunately it is not because I only felt sad for you but because I know exactly how you feel. My birthday this year (only a week before yours) was pretty much just as bad. Just like you I also love my husband dearly but turning my bday into a drag that I will now try to avoid is VERY annoying. I actually want to do everything in my power to NOT spend it with him next year – it just makes me sad to hope and hope that he will make me feel special (as I always try to make HIM feel on his bday) and be disappointed every time.
I basically spent the entire day literally by myself, got home and there were no flowers, cards or presents – he got home at 10pm with 3 sunflowers and that was it. I even went out to eat alone…
People think Gay men and Straight men are different, well they are not! Today is my Birthday and I got a candle, a bag of Dunkin Donuts pumpkin spice coffee, and a box of M&M’s. We have been married for almost three years and I basically do everything for him. Is it our age, we are 23, I know he loves me, so what could it be? Is he a complete idiot- no dinner plans, I had to make dinner for him and then he asked to have a nap for 45 minutes… Really!?
lol i love this site! My SO of 7 years (not married) gets me the worst gifts ever! For christmas last year he got me a bobblehead…yes a bobblehead. I actually wanted to cry when I opened it especially since I told him what I wanted before hand(nothing fancy, a magazine subscription, perfume, power tools, e.t.c, anything like that). The year before a gift certificate to a salon-I have gotten a pedicure once or twice in the time we have been together(I cut and dye my own hair) …..to his discredit a friend had told him to get me that. But I love him dearly, he is a man, they don’t get details! He at least remembers my birthdays and anniversaries, and will surprise me with something other days of the year. He does the dishes without me asking and is always willing to help if I ask. So I’ll take that over a great gift anytime!
oh gosh! I know how it feels. Sucks big time, but the way you wrote it made me laughed thinking about my own husband. He is also sleeping on the couch with his mouth open like yours.
Oh my goodness. That is pathetic and rude! What is wrong with guys. I am having a hard time getting along with my husband right now too and this would have sent me over the edge. I hope you still managed to have a good birthday, despite his pitiful efforts. I feel for ya!!
same here, you would expect ur husband to make an effort once a year for your birthday..this year for my bday I got manly shorts 2 sizes up…no flowers no card, there’s a mothers day gift sitting in a bag right I front of me, don’t feel like opening it….
You know, there are things that husbands do that are annoying and then there are things that are hurtful. I think not making an effort to show his love is hurtful. My ex-husband, who was the world’s BIGGEST mama’s boy, once left a huge mess in the kitchen for me to find- and clean up- on his birthday, because his mom called him and said she needed some help at her place. The guy I am dating now might chew his gum too loudly and talk about computer programming stuff that I don’t give two cents about but he shows me he cares. I feel loved with him. Huge difference.
You know, you sound like a very annoying wife and I am so sorry to tell you that. There are certain things that man are not good at. Like guessing what women like. You had to make everything clear way before your birthday. Not a day ahead.
You are wining like a little kid. There are more important things in life then singing you a happy birthday song. For some men it is embarrassing to sing. Just accept it!
Stop wining on websites. Instead treat your men with a good massage or something better and he will run to the store and will bring you the best cake (with the candle) ever.
Do you ever do things for him?
You sound like you don’t! I understand your frustrating, but If I tell you how unlucky you are, it will make things even worse.
I am sure your husband loves you. He is just type of men that does not get those simple things. He sound for me very honest and pure guy.
I know men that bring, cakes, gift, and diamonds, but have tons of women on the side to please as well. So which one you like more?
Suck it up, treat your husband the way you want to be treated and enjoy Life!
I’m really sorry. This makes me cry. I have my own husband issues but at least he can give me a candle and cake. You have a high tolerance for his stupidity. And you dont sound annoying! Nope, not annoyed one bit.
My husband does try to make a big deal out of my birthday. I really appreciate it. Fortunately for him, I don’t require a cake or a nice, surprise gift. I do require at least a card and get to do whatever I want all day. We eat where I want, go buy chocolates, a gift, etc. I’m so glad that is all I expect. I think it comes from years of being alone. When he was deployed, he got in contact with my friends and had flowers delivered to our house, even though we live in Europe. He also set up a spa day.
Mother’s Day is another story. He did not get me a card or flowers for my first Mother’s Day. I think we went downtown to buy chocolates, but it wasn’t enough for me. I’m still hurt by that, but when I suggested he get nothing for his first Father’s Day, he was so hurt by the idea, that I feel we are even. He didn’t call in any favors for the next Mother’s Day, and I was pretty upset, but he eventually drew me a wonderful card and showed it to me via Skype.
Omg I just stumbled on this website this morning. This is hilarious! THANK YOU for reminding me I am not the only one with a husband -who I love deeply- with too many tissues in his pockets and who thinks burger king is a special night out. I was totally annoyed with him this morning, but laughter really is the best medicine. I am following via rss now and telling friends about this site. Take care. -J
I am sorry, but forgetting wife’s birthday is not a case of “well he has a problem with details.” And certainly it is not ” oh, he shows me that he loves me in other ways”. When it is convenient for him, he shows you his “love”, I would say. Love consists of small showings of careful thought and attention, showing that we CARE. Congratulating and remembering your wife’s birthday is a respect towards a person you share your life with -and it is once a year. It does not have to be elaborate gift. But something appropriate and thoughtful, what the birthday person wishes is a sign of good upbringing and respect. Even ONE RED ROSE shows that, on this special day, I care about you. Everything else is just giving guys a free pass.
Also, women, please, please, teach your children, especially little boys the art of giving, wrapping presents, writing beautiful birthday cards and importance of congratulating birthday to others. Start when they are really young. Remember, we, as mothers, have the most important responsibility – to teach our children to become thoughtful and kind. Teach little boys to fold the laundry, clean after themselves, dust and vacuum, wash the dishes and cook from the young age. Then it will become their habit. One day your future daughter-in-law will thank you!
I found this post because it will be my birthday on Sunday. I know my husband will not “forget” he deliberately ignores. Valentines, anniversaries birthdays, Mother’s Day he loves to ignore me. It’s because I don’t “Pay him rent.” (I earn less … long story … I hate that I can’t right now … I am taking care of our little boy, his daycare, some child support, and I do EVERYTHING at home by myself.) He calls me a “housewife” with disdain and thinks he can curtail who/what I do. Each Christmas he goes out on Christmas eve and really does get a few nice things, which surprises me every time, so happy.
He most likely won’t even LET me have my own plans for my birthday. Really … even though I want to go out for a few hours have some fun with a lady friend (which I have few of, we moved here and it’s hard … I’ve never been good at “lady friends” I’ve always had “guy friends” but don’t “go there” with them–if you know what I mean.) So it’s a big deal to FIND a friend and make plans. He “won’t let me go out” because there will be men at the bar, ahem … welcome to the real world .., where is there a bar of mostly cool, normal girls ready to be friendly with one another, where guys are fewer and at THEIR service … wouldn’t that be cool? That’s what men have with one another. Well … he doesn’t take me out … or remember my birthday. I think young ladies should THINK TWICE about ever
getting married. It’s a ruse to make you a servant. No really. It is.
It’s bull-frigging-lony. Really I’m glad it’s funny … but really … it’s not.
Maybe you are fat. Maybe you annoy him. Maybe he just is not that into you.
I have tears in my eyes as I type this. I have a great husband in most aspects but gift giving is an extreme weak point with him. It seems like if it is not important to him it’s not important and shouldn’t be important to me. Before we got married he bought me gifts for every holiday. Now, nothing, unless he ‘lets’ me buy it myself. He has told me in the past that I shouldn’t expect gifts and that it was just a way for retailers to make money. This has made me feel stupid for feeling this way and guilty for wanting to receive a gift. Last year a friend of ours made me a homemade ice cream cake and had a dinner party on my birthday, it was wonderful to be made to feel special on ‘my’ day. But he just gets mad at anyone that makes him look bad when it come to doing something special. Like it’s a bad thing if they are more considerate and I happen to notice and want the same. He did get me a card but I’m sure only because I had a meltdown on Valentines day when he didn’t even do that. His mother got me a card too. We went out to dinner, which is also nothing special because we do that a lot anyway. I was hoping he would have at least invited a couple of friends because he knows that I am a social person and love to go out with friends. Which we haven’t done in a while. Didn’t happen. I screwed up on Valentines day and let the guilt get to me. I told him I didn’t want anything, which was a lie but I thought I could handle the disappointment better if I just told him that up front rather than just not getting anything as usual and then dealing with the disappointment later. It didn’t work, in the back of my mind I was still hoping he would read between the lines and do something nice anyway. Didn’t happen. So I came right out and told him what he could get me for my birthday. I also mention the chocolate covered coffee beans I really like at least 3 times, hoping he would take a hint on that. Didn’t happen. I think of all the things I do for him because it is important to him even though it’s not as important to me and wander why he cannot do the same for me. It’s 2 times a year!! Is it that hard to do 2 times a year??
Mine remembered but decided to start spending it with another guy friend and hung up the phone on me when I called him… on my birthday!
Then, he wouldn’t make it up in the same weekend… stating my birthday had passed and he didn’t want to spend a dollar. JERK!