[I have to say that I'm immensely impressed with all the new mothers out there who manage to blog regularly. I'm delighted if I manage to get a shower in every other day. So, because I have yet to truly master the art of parental multi-tasking, we've got a guest post today! Thanks for sharing Melissa! If you'd like to contribute, send your stories and pictures to myhusbandisannoying@live.com.
And for anybody wondering, after 8 weeks of motherhood, I am still exhilarated, awestruck and overwhelmed with equal parts terror and adoration. I suspect these feelings will go on for quite a while. Perhaps for the next 30 or so years?]
A few days ago, I had taken the entire afternoon to power clean our house. Top to bottom. I am not kidding you, this place was SPOTLESS. I felt great about my accomplishment and decided to make a great dinner in my ultra clean kitchen. I fixed pan-fried boneless chicken, Caesar salad, garlic toast and green beans. I called him to the kitchen, fixed him a plate and he thanked me with a kiss. Perfect, right??? I turned my back and he was gone. Sitting in the living room enjoying his meal AT THE COFFEE TABLE, not at the dining table (which by the way drives me nuts). I decided to just ignore it and let him eat wherever he pleased.
Dinner was done and we relaxed watching the nightly news. He decided he was tired and off to bed he went. I stayed awake a while and ended up sitting where he ate his dinner. Suddenly, below my feet, I feel a cold, wet thing under my foot. I flip the light on and there it sits…. A GREEN BEAN ON MY FRESHLY CLEANED CARPET!!!!
Unbelievable.
I decided to thank him, and of course like the smarta*s that he is, he replied the next morning.
-Melissa
Ugh. At least yours is funny. Mine is irritating the crap out of me lately, and I know what the root cause is, but it’s not helping.
We have to move, but can’t possibly sell our house for what we paid for it, and he’s acting all hopeless and hangdog and seems unable to make a f*ing decision about the situation. (clue: there are no GOOD choices here, so let’s just make a sucky one and hope it doesn’t kill us all.)
Anyway, he’s being sappy and hanging all over me and it is making me INSANE. Everything he does is irritating in slow motion.
He was putting on sunscreen to take our son to the pool and it seriously took him 45 minutes. Meanwhile our five-year-old is looking dejected because it takes daddy longer to apply sunscreen than to take a dump, which also takes him FOREVER.
I had to leave the room, but not before barking, “Holy Hell, are you going to put on the whole motherf*cking tube?”
WTF? I swear I am not rational right now.
He’s probably wishing he could keep the house and sell _you_ for what he paid up front. But I suspect once you factor in maintenance costs, it’ll be depreciation all the way down.
Nice words to use in front of the 5-year-old, by the way. Did you pronounce the asterisk correctly?
Hugs@irrational
It looks as if he is going through a period of depression. From whatyou describe all the signs are there.
1. taking a long time to perfrom simple taks
2. Mopey
3. inability to make a decision.
Individually these can be explained away but combined with the situation you are presently in and the fact that he displays all of these is a sign that he is going through a period of depression.
I went though this with my husband and only two things helped.
a) Kindness – I actively practiced kind acts – instead of verbally saying that you , I did small acts of kindness. Things he hated to do etc.
b) Count your blessings – I did this in a very active , vocal manner. I would walk around the house saying “well, at least both us and the kids are healthy, it is not as if we have a hole in our hearts. It is only a hole in our pockets”. or “we have our education. We have skills to start working tomorrow if all this is gone. What if we had no education of were people with disabilities, then we would find things even more difficult”.
Oh, my. Women really _are_ mostly passive-aggressive, controlling psychos, aren’t they? Being a woman myself, I hope I never, ever end up like this poster.
So he accidentally dropped a green bean on the floor without realizing it. Pick it up, throw it away, and get over yourself. He didn’t leave dirty dishes all over the place–he ACCIDENTALLY dropped a freakin’ green bean in his own home. This woman clearly doesn’t realize that it’s his home, too, even if she did “power clean” all day, which apparently means he’s supposed to have the magical powers of picking up things he hadn’t even known he’d dropped. Goodness, I hope this guy doesn’t have the misfortune to procreate with her before he gets a clue and files for divorce.
Wow, I’ve got my own impersonator! Stand back, all you fake Elvises! (That was a pretty good impression, too. LOL.)
My take was that his return note was right on target. Get passive-aggressive snark, give back silly. Much better than fighting. I might be tempted to write “Quick, put it back! That was for the invisible goblin that does all the housework! If he goes without his dinner, he’ll put a curse on the house and leave!”
Okay, probably in the moment I would have been neither clever nor imperturbable. More likely I would have written back on the same note, “If I had seen it drop, I would have picked it up. It was an accident.” then crumpled it lightly, and dropped it in the middle of the floor.
That’s so typical! I totally hear ya on this one
) I’m sure the house looked amazing and all you wanted was a little recognition for it, and you just got a green bean on the floor…such is life!
I agree with most of you on here…this isn’t a partnership, it is “mommie” in charge. I feel sorry for this guy. She acts like it is the most wonderful thing in the world that she cleaned all day and he is the stupidest person and such a pig. I think you need to realize that he is the one with the rationalization and sense of humor to write that note back instead of getting mad himself.
Melissa – I hear you. Please take the advice of someone who has been married for a long time (28 years to #1, 5 years to #2) – get over it. They don’t think like we do. I know you’ve heard the phrase “Don’t sweat the small stuff” – it’s frustrating, but 110% true. Pick your battles – this isn’t important. They can’t read our minds…but think about it – would you really want them to?
Have a glass of wine and chill…
In casr you didn’t notice this website is called “MY HUSBAND IS ANNOYING” it is a FUNNY site for women AND men to laugh about some stupid stuff… For the ones that actually saw the humor I put into this post…thanks…for anyone else…. you need a hug.