My husband and I agreed we weren’t going to do a whole big thing for Valentine’s Day this year; mostly because we have a lot of other, more important things going on and also because it all seems kinda silly. Still, we didn’t agree to forget about it completely. At least, I don’t think we did.
I woke up in the morning and figured a card would be forthcoming. I mean, c’mon, it is our first Valentine’s Day as a married couple and that’s the least I could expect, right? Sure, flowers would’ve been nice but they can be expensive and they die pretty quickly and chocolates would’ve been really nice but apparently I’m on some kind of sugar restriction since my husband is afraid I’m passing on my voracious sweet tooth to our unborn child. (Still, some of those chocolates are soooo good. Or even those conversation hearts…I do love me some conversation heart candy and they’re a once-a-year treat! But I digress…) So, fine, a card would do.
Well, I waited. And waited. And waited. I had a card all ready to give to my husband but you can be damned sure I wasn’t giving him anything until I got my card! I even (sort of) brought it up a couple of times:
In the beginning of the day: “Happy Valentine’s Day!”
Later: “So…it’s Valentine’s Day…”
Even later: “Wow, this Valentine’s Day sure is passing by quickly…”
And then: “Huh. I would’ve thought that I might have gotten a Valentine’s Day card by now…”
Around 5pm or so, my husband went into the bedroom and got awfully quiet. Naturally, being the concerned wife that I am (ok, fine – I’m nosy) I had to check on things. There he was – crouched on the floor, frantically filling out a card he must’ve bought that day while he was out walking the dogs. Now that’s romance, huh?.
My boyfriend took 1 of our dogs out at 6pm to go to Duane Reade and buy a candy heart and some freaky stuffed dog with bugged out eyes.
My boyfriend had a doctor’s appointment in the morning and he took longer than it should have to get back to my place. I’m convinced the super sweet card he got me was purchased at a CVS somewhere along the way.
My husband took me seriously when I said we could skip Valentine’s Day this year. When is he going to learn that means I’m skipping the holiday, not that he’s skipping the holiday too?
…I didn’t get a card.
I lovingly picked out several cards (from me and from our baby to daddy) and some small treats weeks ago while I had some time. I reminded my husband several times in the past two weeks that he was not allowed to forget. I even told him what to get me (a card from him and one from the baby and some inexpensive sweets). We happened to be out of town, so I made sure to pack everything up to take with us. He told me the night before that he hadn’t gotten a chance to get to the store yet. I ended up waiting until 5:30 Valentine’s night for him to run to CVS. Among the items he brought home was a new toilet brush (we needed one, but really, that day?) and no card from the baby to Mommy. My birthday is Saturday, we’ll see if that’s handled any better!
My husband does not do well under pressure, if he “has” to get me something for a planned holiday it usually ends up being a toaster like item and a dollar store card. But, he comes home from work with a dozen roses on a Tuesday or a treat from the bakery on Saturday morning. I don’t mind not getting a card on Valentines day because he loves me everyday of the year.
Happy Passive Aggressive Day!
The problem I see with this post is not the husband. You need to communicate with your husband as well as you do with this blog.
Why on earth would you agree that Valentine’s day “all seems kinda silly” to your husband, and then come here and practically drool on your keyboard with desire for chocolate and candy hearts as “a once-a-year treat”?
Imagine if instead you said to your husband, “I know that people think it’s silly, but it would make me REALLY happy to get those little conversation hearts and a my favorite chocolates on the 14th. I don’t need a big deal ASIDE FROM THAT, but that would make my day and I would feel loved.” Your husband wants to make you happy, but can’t read your mind. Give him the opportunity.
But I suppose if you did, you wouldn’t have fodder for this blog…
It’s funny how girls can skip this ‘made up holiday’ and guys are obligated to buy something even though for a month she keeps saying that she does not want anything for valentines day, I’m glad valentines day was on a Sunday so I didn’t have to buy overpriced flowers that die way too soon. If you want something for valentines day say it, you might get it. I on the other hand kept telling my wife what I wanted for valentines day and she did not get if for me.
It was my husband and I’s first VDay too and we agreed not to do anything as well. I, too, didn’t think a card was included in that and lovingly left a card with a few of his favorite candies out for him to see when he woke up since I had to go to work. The man was sweet and took care of grocery shopping while I was at the office, but even after seeing I had gotten him a card didn’t think it would be a good idea to return the favor…even thought he was AT THE STORE. His response when I asked? “Well, when I realized I should have done it, I knew you’d know I did it last minute.” Oh well. At least he loaded the dishwasher. Little victories…
wow some snippy comments back from some guys! Here’s a tip! A girl WANTS you to want to get her things for V day…not because you have to! I totally get where you are coming from here. even when I say “no v day gifts’ I secretly wish he would buy something and say “I really wanted to get you this” but of course that never happens..lol Guys are clueless sometimes
So “no” actally means “yes”
We always knew that one.
“guys are clueless”? really? come on, ladies. please give up the passive aggressive ways. it’s embarrassing. i have an idea: try COMMUNICATING.
Anyone who expects gift-giving during the pink-and-red is falling prey to the manipulation of Hallmarketing. It’s pretty damn shallow, I say. Men, define your celebration days for both you. Make them personal. Give your girl a little trinket or a fragrant bouquet (not the unscented slugs that pass for roses this time of year) on, say, your sexiversary or another date from your past that means something to you. Mine knows I think about her romantically all the time, and she instigated our moratorium on the V-day fauxstival.
I don’t think the guys’ comments were snippy at all. If you tell your husband one thing, don’t expect anything different. The key to good communication is to KNOW that your spouse is not a psychic, and that you say what you mean. He will most likely be very willing to make you happy. If you had told him you wanted dinner at the top of the Empire State Building, I am sure he would have have made it happen. Guys are not clueless at times, women play games.
Signed,
A woman who believes in communication
Don’t worry, I sent mine out for wine the night before and he came back an hour later with flowers (after I had outright said -” I WANT FLOWERS on V-day!” – all week, and he said, “FLOWERS DIE, no FLOWERS.”) Then, Sat morning, when I came down stairs to feed our animals, I found my V-day card in the garage and took it back upstairs with me with a pen! Men just don’t get it!!
We don’t ‘do’ Valentine’s Day as such, but every year I get Mr Kitty a card. And every year I get nothing. In fact, every year he seems genuinely surprised when I give him his card and he has nothing for me. You might think he’d notice a pattern emerging by now… it’s been seven years, after all!
The pattern emerging here is that you tell him one thing, expect another, and are surprised when once again he does what you said rather than what you didn’t say.
Sigh…men just don’t get it. This is also our first married Valentine’s Day, and I spent ALL DAY baking a super-complicated 7-layer Russian cake for hubby and cooking up an amazing (and intricate) dinner..I also got him 2 boxes of $30 (!) chocolate from his favorite online catalog AND a very sweet card. Not to mention, I’m almost 6 months pregnant, so just standing on my feet all day should’ve been enough of a present!
We’re moving next week and have a baby coming soon so we also decided to not make a big hoopla out of the whole V-Day thing. And yes, he did get me flowers. But no card!
The kicker is that my card to him has STILL not been read because “he doesn’t feel comfortable reading it until he gets me a card himself”. Since V-day is over, maybe that means I have to wait until next year? =P
“I spent ALL DAY baking…cooking up an amazing (and intricate) dinner..I also got him 2 boxes of $30 (!) chocolate…we also decided to not make a big hoopla out of the whole V-Day thing.”
“Three of these things belong together,” (c’mon, sing with me!) “three of these things are kind of the same, but one of these things is not like the others, now it’s time to play our game, it’s time to play our game.”
You ladies should try my solution: hubby and I go to Walgreens and pick out the cards we would buy for each other. We don’t actually buy them, but at least you get the sentiment
Then you don’t have to pay for or feel guilty over throwing out a card!
LOL. It is such a man thing isn’t it? They really are clueless. I’ve learned to start telling mine a couple weeks before a holiday (such and such) is coming up- DO something. Following your blog now via After the Alter!
I sort of have to agree with being surprised with little things instead of expecting something on Valentines day. But, that being said, there’s nothing hard about a card.
UNLESS you already said “Nah, we aren’t doing the Valentine’s Day thing.” Saying that, and then expecting something, makes you a liar.
geez o pete. Himself and i have been married just over a year. and we started celebrating the 14th on friday, honest!
dinner. roses. a necklace with roses on it. a stuffed devil bear that has a heart reading “i <3 you". he looks forward to seeing me squeal with glee at stuff, so he does this kind of thing all year round.
and while he doesnt clean up after himself, he WILL empty the dishwasher after being asked ONCE, and it doesnt get too much better than that.
I told my husband that I wouldn’t be devastated if he skipped getting me flowers this year – I enjoy them, but roses are expensive and what with all the budget cuts in our household, he shouldn’t worry. So – Valentine’s Day morning arrives, and he’s sicker than a dog, but presents me with a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates from a local business which makes their own candy. I felt guilty, not having even purchased a card – though I made little valentines for the kids. Later that day (he spent the day in bed, sick as a dog) I was out shopping and purchased a card (which was still full-price! hah!) and tucked it under his pillow during a moment when he was actually out of bed. So – I have a husband who is thoughtful (and who cooks and knows how to do laundry and tuck in kids at night but still leaves lights on all over the house- ha ha I only include that so you won’t think I’m waxing poetic on his perfections!) and I turned out to be the forgetful/thoughtless one this “passive-aggressive holiday”!
My wife and I seem to be the reverse of the norm on this board. She usually insists nothing and delivers. I agree and go all out, only to met with a frustrated scowl and very little appreciation. Two years ago I flew her to NYC to see her favorite artist perform at Radio City Music Hall on Valentine’s Day. She knew ahead of time and still didn’t get me as much as a vd card. I swear to you all no man can successfully achieve a happy valentine’s day with his significant other. It is impossible. This truly is the passive aggressive holiday.
HumorlessBastard, lol…but to us, having a special dinner and expensive chocolate is not making a big deal out of Valentine’s Day. Now, an impromptu trip to Paris and a diamond necklace WOULD classify as a big hoopla =)
My husband and I usually agree on not making a big deal out of Valentines Day, but each year we define what “not a big deal” means. This year I told him that he did not have to get me a present (a card would be nice at least!) but that I had something I was planning on picking up for him. I did also tell him that if he decided on getting me a present that I wanted Jewellery!! I did end up with a nice silver and amber chain that I had been admiring so I know he listens
I agree with the people on here that this is a commercially produced holiday but when your life gets busy with kids and bills and family obligations stacked upon one another this Hallmark holiday does remind us to slow down, do something special and appreciate our commitment to one another.
I agree with the men…when you say you’re not going to do the whole Valentine’s Day thing, it’s pretty strange to get disappointed that he didn’t do the whole Valentine’s Day thing. It’s like agreeing to an office Secret Santa and then being upset that only one person got you a gift.
Ladies, most of your husbands are probably stupid enough to believe you when you say that you don’t care about Valentine’s day.
You should know, however, that whatever men say about that day, we really really don’t care. Don’t get him a card. Cards are stupid. Whatever you have to say in a card you can say face to face.
If you want a card, you might just have to say so, because we all think they’re stupid. I can understand that you like flowers, shiny rocks, and candy, but the card thing is just bizarre.
It was our first Valentine’s as a married couple as well, and we decided not to celebrate it. So I wasn’t surprised and didn’t care when I didn’t get anything and it was just a normal, great day.
If I had cooked some grandiose meal/bought something for him simply because it was Valentine’s Day after our agreement not to do anything, he would have been right to call it unfair, passive-aggressive and guilt-inducing. I don’t understand saying you don’t want anything and then being upset when that’s what you get. Game-playing, intentional or not, is not cool.
Ladies, all men want is a BJer or even a handy if nothing else is available.
OTOH, being the practical, logical sex, we’re all more than happy to skip celebrating this ridiculous holiday, so if you say “let’s skip it” we all breathe a sigh of relief that *maybe* you’re getting some reasoning skills through your pea brains and realizing that your self-esteem shouldn’t be based on the size of a card given on a fake holiday.
It my first married Valentine’s Day, too, and I had to tell my husband that I would like a card at least, please. I told him on Saturday morning. Therefore he was scurrying out on Sunday morning to buy me a card! (I’d had his for weeks, or course).