[Apparently, men have trouble with garbage. I wrote about my husband's inability to use the trash can a while back and now we hear from Maria in Alabama whose husband seems to have a similar problem. Thanks for sending this in Maria! And maybe your husband will someday learn to actually use the garbage can the way it's intended.
Have a story about your husband or boyfriend you'd like to see here? Send them to me, along with any pictures, to myhusbandisannoying@live.com.]
Here’s an annoying thing my husband of 14 years will not stop doing. Yes, even after 14 years, I still can’t train him right.
In our kitchen we have a smallish white trash can. When my husband Bill has an item that is too big to fit in the trash can, such as a pizza box or his “Silk” soy milk cartons (shown in the photo), he will set it BESIDE the trash can instead of just taking the thing to the outside garbage bin, which is literally only 16 footsteps from the kitchen trash can! 16 steps. I walked the distance to check. We have a small house and the outside garbage bin is right outside our back door, which adjoins the kitchen. But he can’t walk those extra 16 steps, so he litters the floor with his extra-husky-sized trash. This is a weekly event.
So you might ask why I don’t just put a larger can in the kitchen. I never wanted a larger trash can inside the house because I know with certainty that if I put a larger one in there, Bill would fill it up to the brim with all kinds of stinky waste products and NEVER take it outside until our house smelled so bad I’d have to move out. (He is immune to bad odors.) I’d rather take out smaller amounts of trash more frequently to prevent odors. Plus, like I said, there is a huge garbage bin just 16 footsteps away from the small one.
So this is how we live. He’s a very nice person except for his bad habit.
I managed to get a photo of his crime. It wasn’t hard … all I had to do is wait until he bought soy milk again.
While perusing Craig’s List the other day, I found this posting under the ‘Free’ category and it absolutely cracked me up. Haven’t we all had days when we wanted to post an ad like this ourselves? I wonder if she had any takers. (FYI, when I checked the next day, the posting had been “flagged for removal” which I found odd. Did somebody find it offensive? More offensive than people who advertise looking for three-ways? Or people offering up their feet to those with a foot fetish in exchange for an iPhone?)
Husband
Date: 2010-01-20, 12:41PM
Comes with a pair of old socks, bad attitude and all my money – whatever is left of it.
Emotional support, love, empathy, sympathy, and all basic human emotions NOT included with this particular model.
AS IS!
*all reasonable trades considered.
Location: FREE
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Here’s a picture of my husband looking like a freak in goggles. Don’t ask why he has this getup on; I have no idea.
Now on to yours! This week, we have some really funny and really annoying husband pictures…
From Marie:
“Here is a picture of my husband ‘helping me with the laundry.’ I work during the day and attend graduate school at night. In the two hours between work and school, I try to cook dinner and clean the kitchen–maybe start a load of laundry. On this occasion, my husband surprised me by offering to help with the laundry. Unfortunately the warm towels quickly overpowered him, and I found him ten minutes later snoring away on the living room floor (surrounded by unfolded laundry, nonetheless). Luckily, he is too charming and too funny for me to kill just yet.”
From Julie:
“Yes, this is a photo of my husband vacuuming the lawn. You see, he has a deep passion for vacuuming. He often times like to wake up the whole family at 8 a.m. just to vacuum, even when it’s not necessary. It’s really annoying. During this particular occasion, he took his love for vacuuming to a new level. The day prior to this picture, we held my son’s wedding in our backyard and everyone threw plastic confetti in the air as the couple walked down the aisle. My husband was very concerned that the plastic confetti would kill the lawn so this is his attempt to remove the confetti. Annoying.”
From Casey:
“This is my husband attempting to shove an entire waffle in his mouth. As you can see, it didn’t go over very well.”
From Mary:
“Here’s my husband, who shattered his jaw when he slipped on ice, sucking his dinner through a straw and being as pathetic about it as possible!”
♦Thanks for all your hilarious pictures and keep them coming! Send ‘em to me at myhusbandisannoying@live.com. Anything that makes me AND my husband laugh out loud when we see them always brightens my day so I can’t wait to see what else you all have in your photo albums!
Since it’s Winter and it’s been pretty darn cold the last few weeks, my husband has decided he’s going to grow a beard to keep warm. I don’t mind the look of the beard so much, but what I don’t like is the texture of it. I don’t know if it’s just because it’s in the newish stage or what but every time his face gets anywhere near me, it’s like being stabbed with a thousand tiny little needles. In fact, I’ve actually started calling my husband “Needles”; you’d think this might be a deterrent so that he’d either (a) shave that thing off or (b) stop putting his face near me. But no, the opposite has occurred. He now tries to attack me with his needle beard every single chance he gets.
My Husband With His Needle Beard
And even worse? The other night we were watching the Golden Globes and practically every single actor was sporting a beard. So of course my husband says, “Hey, why are these guys copying me? I must have started a beard trend!” I think he actually believes it, too. Thanks a lot George Clooney, Jon Hamm, Robert Downey Jr., Jeff Bridges and most of all William Hurt (though his isn’t so much a beard as it is a winter blanket attached to his chin). Guess I’d better get used to needles.
Because of the impending addition to our already crowded family (seriously, 3 dogs and 1 cat? TOO MANY animals…), my husband and I are trying to sell our little apartment so we can be a cliché and move to the suburbs. But man, do we have a lot of stuff. It’s so bad that soon you may see us featured on that A&E show, “Hoarders.” Well ok, it’s not that bad but between the two of us we have managed to accumulate quite a lot of stuff. So, whenever we have an open house or are showing the apartment, we have a massive grab anything you see and shove it under any possible surface or into any possible hidden crevice panic. And because my husband generally doesn’t see dirt (yes, somehow dirt is invisible to him…somebody should do some scientific testing on his brain one day), it’s my job to clean and his job to hide the stuff. Unfortunately, he does such a good job of hiding stuff that most of it stays hidden forever.
Me: I need to print out this form. Can you hook up the printer for me?
Husband: Um…I hid the printer cable and now I can’t find it.
Me: [*sigh*]
We still can’t use the printer so now when one of us needs something printed out, we have to wait until I get to work and do it from there. Then yesterday, I got this email from my husband:
Subject: Question
“I may be an ideeit, but I can’t seem to find the laundry stuff. Where is it??”
Apparently in his last hiding frenzy, he hid the detergent and fabric softener along with the card we need to operate the washer and dryer and then couldn’t find it anywhere. Now, you may be asking yourselves, “if the apartment is that small, how many possible hiding places are there?” And you’d be right. But you’d be surprised at how adept my husband is and finding nooks and crannies to shove things in. Then you’d also be surprised at how very un-adept he is at remembering exactly where said things were shoved. It’s like playing a new game of hide and go seek every day except that this version isn’t fun.
[Sidenote: My husband claimed that he looked "everywhere!" for the detergent and simply couldn't figure out where it could possibly be. I got home from work and found it in less than 5 minutes. Though the printer cable does still seem to be eluding us...]
I have a job that currently has me on a different schedule pretty much every day. Some days I may have to work early in the morning and other days I won’t get home until almost midnight. It can get a little confusing and sometimes it’s hard to remember what exactly my schedule is for that particular day. Somehow though, I manage. My husband? Not exactly.
On Sunday, he’ll ask me what my schedule for the week is and I’ll give him the basic rundown. Then Monday morning he’ll say to me, “What time are you coming home today?” I sigh but try to remain patient and tell him. Then, for some reason, he acts shocked as if this is the first he’s hearing of it. ”You won’t be home until 9pm?!? When were you going to tell me this?” And so this goes, every single day. Inevitably, there’ll be one or two days a week when, after being thoroughly briefed on my schedule for the day, he’s taken completely by surprise when I walk through the door. ”I didn’t think you were going to be home for another couple of hours! ” he exclaims as he jumps up and hopes I won’t notice that he still hasn’t showered even though it’s 8 o’clock at night. (Yeah, it must be nice working from home.)
I once decided to be really clever and print out my weekly schedule for my husband every Sunday. Foolproof, I thought! Yet, by Tuesday he’s lost the schedule or just stopped looking at it altogether and resumed his daily, “What time are you coming home today?” questioning while continuing to be surprised and sometimes dismayed by my answer. For now, I’ve given up. And hey, maybe one day he’ll actually surprise me and have dinner waiting for me when I get home. Well…a girl can dream, right?
I got a Flip Video camera for Christmas and, of course, had to put it to good use. A couple of things to note:
-The pillow over my husband’s face. He usually wakes up and accuses me of being the one who put the pillow over his face and trying to smother him in his sleep but he does that all on his own.
-The leg up. I’ve never known anybody who sleeps with their legs up. And before I showed him this video, he didn’t believe that he did.
-The pets on the bed. As soon as I get up, all the pets immediately jump on the bed because they know that he’s a total pushover and won’t make them get down.
-Ah, the snoring. This actually isn’t the worst of it but it’s harder to catch snoring on video than you might think.
It’s not exactly the most flattering video of my husband and I’m sure he really regrets giving me the camera as a gift but it sure does make me laugh every time I watch it.
[Our guest poster today is Colette, whose husband has a strange idea of what makes a funny picture. Thanks for the laughs, Colette!
Got a story about your man that you think would make other people laugh? Send them, along with any pictures, to me at: myhusbandisannoying@live.com.]
We’ve heard a lot about ‘hold-his-arm-out-while-he-tries-to-make-us-look-like-a-cute-couple’ travel photos. My (almost as annoying) husband insists on the ‘I’m-really-funny-because-I’m-pointing-to-something’ photo. The key to the shot is a Vanna-like pose, which he does so well in his green (yes I said green) sweatshirt that he wore every day of our recent trip to Barcelona. (And he doesn’t even know about the infamous green sweater).
It all started a few years back when he traveled to China on a business trip, and e-mailed me a photo of himself:
Can you tell he’s standing in front of the Great Wall of China? Yeah, it was funny – and I made the mistake of laughing – and now all we have are travel pictures like this one:
He thinks it’s even funnier when he makes a face while pointing:
And as the day goes on he tries out a new move:
Shall we give him extra points for creativity? The worst part is that he makes me do ‘the pose’ as well:
He refused to climb up the stairs until I pointed to the art museum. (Sigh…) But his favorite was this one where he is pointing to the… wait for it… yup, it’s a subway wall:
