When I come home from a long, hard day at work, it sure would be nice if my husband would greet me at the door with a smile and a kiss hello. Or, even better, a smile and a chocolate cake. But hey, I won’t get greedy; I’d settle for just a “Hi honey, how was your day?” kind of thing. What I get instead is him shouting at me, “This is a private residence! No trespassers! This is a private residence!” Nice greeting, right? Sometimes I’ll get lucky and he’ll drop it at that. But other times, he’ll keep this going for far longer than the schtick deserves. I don’t know why he thinks this is funny and I really don’t know why he does this at least two or three times a week.
If he keeps it up, I may have to lock him up in this steel cage. (And FYI, notice the green sweater.)
Holy crap. This may be the best blog ever.
Glad you like it…feel free to spread the blog love! Sad to say, none of these stories are made up.
All I can say is…. LMAO!!! Keep ‘em coming!
I have no shortage of material so this blog will be going for qute a while!
this is the funniest damn blog going.
Thanks…spread the word! Maybe I can sell the idea and get money for couples counseling!
isn’t that a line from the big lebowski?
I have to admit that I’ve never seen the movie so I’m really not sure. Is it? Men do have a way of saying movie quotes over and over again for some reason.
i SWEAR i totally agree, this is the best blog ever, cause i think there are many of us with the same husband!!!! my husband has phrases that he repeats over and over, has for years, like the private residence thing and he always always thinks its funny again!!!!!
green sweater! hahahahah!
my hubbie just threw away my -unfavorite offenders… we have been married nearly 7 years.. good luck!
This is a GREAT blog! In fact, I think its my favorite ever! You have me laughing out loud. Some of these things remind me of things my boyfriend does that drive me crazy (like the repetitive not-even-funny-the-first-time jokes). You’ve managed to turn something annoying into something funny. Good job! And good job with being able to get away with dedicating an entire blog to how annoying your husband is.
Okay … this blog is funny. I think your husband is a treasure! He sounds like he has a great sense of humor and levity and you sound like you must too in order to tolerate it!
I love humor dumb humor potty humor silly humor whatever … life isn’t tolerable unless you can be stupid and laugh alot.
From a male perspective, I can truly say that this blog is awesome. My wife is always telling me what a complete dork I am, she points out my little quirks. And I love it cause she loves it. She says its annoying but I know she really loves me for it!
We’ve been together for almost 32 years. Since the beginning, well once we were completely comfortable in front of each other, I did the test all men do: Fart in front of her. Men fart all the time! She giggled like a school girl. Evertime I’m going to let a big one loose, I make a ceremony out of it. She always says “Your such a Child!”, but she secretly giggles. I LOVE IT!
BTW, that is the one annoying thing about my wife, she always says “Your such a Child!” Its her greatest comeback. And I always respond; “Yep, but with the penis of a MAN!. She then proceeds to burst out laughing Even when we’re in a heated argument, and I wait for it, waiting and then here it comes: Your such a Child! She always laughs….angry moment. OVER!
Honey, Love you to death!
haha, i totally understand… whenever my husband comes home he knocks on the door because he knows it makes the dog bark like crazy…. he thinks it is just hysterical… it is just one of the many things that i find extremely annoying…
He looks like he has a nice, big one–so at least there’s that!
These are so funny, was expecting stuff like not putting lid back down and squeezing toothpaste in the middle !! I saw that he was home a lot,doesn’t your husband have a job he has to go to?
Maybe it’s because he’s expecting to see his charming, sweet, loving, suppportive wife, and can’t understand why you keep showing up instead.
This is HILARIOUS. Haha! I’m sitting at my desk (I should be working) laughing out loud.
This is great. To all you newlyweds out there. I have been married for 25 years. The guy you married will not change. You will be explaining his behavior to your teenagers someday.
he IS funny! I wish I could come up with things like that. I wonder if he actually makes an effort thinking and inventing lines like these or it just comes off naturally.
i think this is my favorite entry….he sounds like such a funny guy! you’re lucky
My husband and your husband are twins seperated at birth. My husband likes to say “HEY DONT COME IN HERE” at the top of his lungs when I enter any room he’s in. He can’t ever let a joke go and thinks that fart jokes are the FUNNIEST thing ever. Also my husband likes to just make sounds, and not only that he really likes to make them right in my ear.
OMG. my fiance has the same sweater…. it stinks of nasty patchouli because he insists on hanging incense in OUR closet. Says “its like i work in a smoke shop”. I tell him i’m pleased that his highest aspiration to date is smelling LIKE he works in a smoke shop, or that he works at all!
Wow! I just found your blog today and I love it! My husband and I were both laughing so hard we were crying. I can relate to almost all of these, but especially this one. Whenever my husband and I are out in public, he’ll either say (very loudly) “are you going to take the out of your purse and pay for it??” or he’ll start walking faster than me, look behind him and say “Who are you? Why are you following me??”
We’ve only been married a month and a half…I’m glad someone else out there feels the same way I do sometimes! However, my husband thinks your husband is a hero now and wants to be like him. lol
Whenever my sisters or I call home and my dad answers, he always says, “We don’t want any, stop calling here” as if we’re telemarketers! He does it to my mom, too. It’s super annoying.
Also, sometimes he just says “Rutabaga” when leaving a message.